In the pink

It's annual health check-up time


I recently spent half a day at a Bangkok hospital having my annual health check. This is when you spend 12,000 baht of your hard-earned cash just so a doctor can analyze six hours of tests and tell you that you have an enlarged lipitor gland in your endymorphous canal so it would be a good idea to cut out the coffee and chocolate. It's frightening how the years take their toll. One minute you're running around in the park playing football and the next minute there's a Thai nurse holding your hand as you huff and puff on the walking machine. "Shall we try it on speed number two now Mr Philip or would you like to rest for a while?" Anyway, as I was sitting in the reception area, I started to make a list of twenty essential aspects of any Thai hospital.

1. An area in which the disabled ramp, the ambulance loading bay and the taxi rank all converge on one another - resulting in utter chaos.
2. Promotional literature showing a convalescing old grandmother and two fat grandchildren jumping up and down on her bed.
3. Strategically-placed vases full of wilting flowers.
4. The nurse who somehow manages to parade your urine sample in front of 346 gawping out-patients.
5. The kindly bespectacled doctor who greets you with a cheery "and what can we do for you on this fine morning?" before it dawns on you that it's the only sentence of English he can speak correctly.
6. The middle-aged, overweight out-patient who sits in the reception area picking at her bare feet.
7. The glasses of cold Chinese tea, covered with cling-film and looking suspiciously like zebra's wee-wee.
8. The clapped-out TV that's showing a loud tranvestite slap-stick comedy routine and forcing the engrossed patients to miss their appointment.
9. The stick-thin 60-year old nursing sister who's given the job of looking after the foreigners on account of her ability to say 'this way please'
10. The hospital gown cunningly designed to reveal your bare buttocks as you shuffle past the mincing queen in the X-ray department.
11. The registration form that takes your partner thirty minutes to fill in while you die slowly of a heart attack. Despite the hospital already having your details on a computer.
12. The Thai family of fourteen who have come to visit someone in hospital with a cold.
13. The fifty-year old farang who gets wheeled out into the reception area temporarily distracting the people from the antics of number 8.
14. The explanation from the pharmacist that you take the blue pills twice a day, the green ones four times a day, and the striped ones only if it's a full moon - and the fact that no one ever listens anyway.
15. The sad lonely S&P franchise which sells tuna sandwiches, slices of madeira cake and tins of all-butter shortbread - the cornerstone of any good convalescent diet.
16. The billing / insurance claim dept with its mountain of paperwork, three overworked secretaries and a brain cell dying of loneliness.
17. A Thai man in a sort of grey uniform whose job it is to wheel patients to other parts of the hospital and change light-bulbs.
18. The 96-year old great grandmother who gets wheeled into the doctor's surgery ahead of you and emerges two hours later.......still alive.
19. The magazine rack which contains the May 2003 edition of Hot Superbikes and a Bangkok Post color supplement celebrating the 50th anniversary of Chemitox Plastics.
20. A group of four nurses huddled around a computer and all taking it in turns to move the mouse.


Comments

No comments yet.

Post your comment

Comments are moderated and will not appear instantly.

Featured Jobs

English Teachers

1 day, 4 hours ago

฿400+ /hour

Bangkok


Professional Teachers for Next Academic Year

2 days, 6 hours ago

฿40,000+ /month

Chiang Mai


English Camp MC

2 days, 10 hours ago

฿30,000+ /month

Various locations


Kindergarten Assistant Coordinator

2 days, 14 hours ago

฿60,000+ /month

Bangkok


TEFL Trainer / Facilitator

3 days, 6 hours ago

฿35,000+ /month

Chiang Mai


Corporate ESL Teachers

4 days, 9 hours ago

฿600+ /hour

Bangkok


TEFL Courses & Training

Get off to a good start...

Take your course
in Thailand!

Training Directory

Featured Teachers

  • Lorena


    Certificate

    Filipino, years old. Currently living in Philippines

  • Aubrey


    MA

    Filipino, 27 years old. Currently living in Philippines

  • Ken


    MA

    Australian, 71 years old. Currently living in Australia

  • Andre


    BSc

    Canadian, 50 years old. Currently living in Thailand

  • Karla Mae


    Diploma

    Filipino, 35 years old. Currently living in Thailand

  • Amanda


    BA

    American, 28 years old. Currently living in Thailand

  • Kelzang


    Certificate

    Bhutanese, 25 years old. Currently living in Bhutan

  • Kaan


    Diploma

    Turkish, 24 years old. Currently living in Malaysia

  • Iancu


    BSc

    Romanian, 43 years old. Currently living in China

  • Jason


    BA

    British, 46 years old. Currently living in Thailand

Sponsors

Mediakids Academy

Top TEFL job placement provider with competitive benefits and an unforgettable experience.

English Planet

To be internationally recognized as the leader in quality English language training.

Smartys

Vacancies for in-house and corporate teachers at the finest schools in Suphanburi City

Eduplus

We get you a job! Options for school placements all over Thailand

BSI Broker

Brokers for ajarn health insurance and for all your Thailand insurance needs.

Siam Computer & Language

Competitive teacher packages with benefits and bonus incentives

Kajonkietsuksa School

First bilingual school in Phuket. Vacancies for kindergarten, primary and secondary teachers.

Kasintorn St Peter School

Progressive English program school near Bangkok employing NES and Filipino teachers

Inlingua Thailand

Premier language school with many branches and corporate training.

Space available

Become an ajarn dot com sponsor

The Hot Spot


Teacher mistakes

Teacher mistakes

What are the most common mistakes that teachers make when they are about to embark on a teaching career in Thailand? We've got them all covered.


Contributions welcome

Contributions welcome

If you like visiting ajarn.com and reading the content, why not get involved yourself and keep us up to date?


Will I find work in Thailand?

Will I find work in Thailand?

It's one of the most common questions we get e-mailed to us. So find out exactly where you stand.


Air your views

Air your views

Got something to say on the topic of teaching, working or living in Thailand? The Ajarn Postbox is the place. Send us your letters!


The dreaded demo

The dreaded demo

Many schools ask for demo lessons before they hire. What should you the teacher be aware of?


Renting an apartment?

Renting an apartment?

Before you go pounding the streets, check out our guide and know what to look out for.


Can you hear me OK?

Can you hear me OK?

In today's modern world, the on-line interview is becoming more and more popular. How do you prepare for it?