These are actual quotes from real telephone conversations that I have had recently with teacher placement agencies..

Agent: "we cannot tell you where the school is until after you sign the contract"
me: why?
Agent "I don't want you contacting the school without us because we would lose our commission"

Next agent.

me: "is the school in a remote location?"
Agent: "It depends on what you mean by a remote location?"
me: "is the location accessible by plane, train, bus, taxi. tuk-tuk or elephant?
Agent: "we will meet you at the bus station and take you there"
me: "about how far is it from the bus station to the town?"
Agent: "we will stop about half-way and buy you lunch"
me: "so it is not near the small town bus station?"
Agent: "they don't have a 7 eleven if that is what you want"

Next agent.

Agent: "we will hold 3,000 baht every month from your salary and give it to you at the end of your contract"
me: "why?"
Agent: "so we know you will complete your contract and not leave early because of the working conditions"

Next agent.

Contact person: You will start at 7:15am for gate duty, teach 26 hours per week, remain on campus until 4.30pm when gate duty ends. You have to do one Saturday afternoon per month, and a once a week English club after school. We will give you 24,000 baht and we help you with the paperwork for a non-immigrant B visa - and we give 50% for accident insurance.
me: Thank you, good bye.

Next agent.

me: "can you tell me the age group of the students, your job ad does not say"
Agent: "we will pay you a bonus to sign a contract"
me: "okay, but what age group would l be teaching?"
Agent: "some of the classrooms have air-con, others have fans and the school provides a western lunch"
me: "great, what age group are the students?"
Agent: "it varies"

Next agent

Contact person; "Can you come in for an interview?"
Me: "yes, I can"
Contact person: "be prepared to teach a 50-minute class to students as a demonstration. Also bring us ten lesson plans and three positive references. Please, be on time because we have many other teachers demonstrating that week"
Me: "sure, my rate is 500 baht an hour"

Well, I can continue - although not now. Personally, I have twenty years teaching experience with excellent references and credentials. It is my desire to continue to teach in Thailand for the students. I try and ignore the nonsense but it just seems to be getting sillier and sillier.

By the way, this was written for a smile, not out of bitterness or anger.

Mitch