EFL Teaching in Thailand (and elsewhere) part two

As promised, here are some of the lighter moments that I have been privy to in my time as an ajarn in Thailand; a time that, give or take one or two visits elsewhere, has lasted about twelve years. To be honest, I don't have to think that hard to come up with memories of my good classes as they spring to mind with relative ease.

Me Tarzan, you...

One such is a class I taught when I was at the ECC branch mentioned in my previous column. This was a 3-hour Sunday morning class I had for over a year, and it mostly consisted of single or divorced women between the ages of about 28 to 50 years old. In they would trundle every Sunday without fail and plonk down an assortment of fruit, nuts, Chinese kanom, odd nick-nacks, and anything else they thought I might like. It was as if they were trying to outbid for me in some weird car boot sale except there were no unwanted items, and the only thing that seemed to be on sale was me!

Had anyone chanced to stick their head around the classroom door, they could have been forgiven for thinking that I was some visiting chief at a tribal ceremony for my teacher's desk resembled one of them scenes from a "Carry on Up the Jungle" movies where the characters all visit a distant tribal king in a faraway African village and, as a peace offering or bribe, bring along everything that isn't nailed down on the way.

Of course, most western teachers will be familiar with this scenario - the young ajarn farang who has the women hanging on his every syllable because he is perceived as (a) single, (b) approachable, and (c) has all the accoutrements of western-ness aka white skin, blue or green eyes, etc., etc. Being only in my early thirties, I was also very nubile in their eyes - in other words "marriageable" like that famous line from Charlotte Bronte's book - "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife".

There was Noy who was a 40-something stock market trader for a finance firm (sadly I believe one of the 50 finance firms or so that went under in the crash of 1997). She would sidle up to me and, within a hair's breath, ask what I was doing that evening and whether I'd like to go to a party or visit some rich relative in Ayutthaya. No matter how many times I knocked her back, she would come in again the next week with the same Bambi like eyes and the same optimistic smile which nothing seemed capable of diminishing.

Another was Oey who had her own way of press ganging me into romantic submission. One time after class, when all had said their goodbyes, she decided to be a bit more daring and, when I had turned around from cleaning the whiteboard, she, after unbuttoning the top part of her blouse, had installed her face on the edge of my nose. For a moment, I didn't know what to do or where to look, but she had it all rehearsed:
"You lonely? Want girlfriend? I lonely too! We lonely together be ok nah?"
How could I fault her logic?!

No Introductions necessary...

For me, one of the funniest experiences I have ever had in a classroom was when I was a teacher in a relatively new class of students. I believe it was only the second or third class of this particular course. There I was at the start of the class waxing lyrical about something like homework or some such thing, and in walks this stunning young lady called Kok (yes, a bit of a mismatch, but Thais do like to give themselves unusual nicknames!) and sits down. As she is new, I ask her to introduce herself to everybody. She is a bit nervous, so I try to help by introducing myself and the other students first. Eventually, and somewhat hesitantly, she offers the following:

‘Hello, my name is Supaporn, but you can give me Kok'.

Ok, I gingerly reply,

‘Nice to meet you Kok'. So, tell us a little bit about you. For
example, what do you want to do when you graduate?'

Quick as a flash she replies,

‘Sir, I would like to be an air hostage!'

Speckles of laughter descend on the room. I try to regain some sense of order and try to rescue Kok.

‘So, tell us Kok, this sounds like an exciting job. What would you have to do in this job?'

With an angelic smile on her face that could have made you think she was Florence Nightingale's daughter, she replies,

‘I would have to service the passengers sir.'

Don't you want me baby...?

But if you think that mishaps with the Thai language can only happen to Thais, you'd be wrong.
The following is an experience I had when I had not been in Thailand all that long. I was working for a company on Wireless Road in the heart of Bangkok. I had gone to the bathroom to take a leak, and when I returned someone had put a note on my desk asking me to go and see a Thai member of staff. Curious, and wanting to practice my limited Thai with her, I walked up to her desk and, in my best Thai, tried to say ‘did you want me?' which I thought in Thai was the following:

‘khun ow pom mai crap?'

She was in hysterics for five minutes, during which a crowd of more Thai staff had gathered around to see what was going on. When she managed to pull herself together, after almost being on the floor with laughter, she asked me to repeat it, so I did. Now the entire crowd was in hysterics. When they had all returned to normality, I asked them for the real translation of what I just said - 'Do you want (sexually) me?'

Showing interest...

Of course there are numerous examples of classes where I have had memorable time teaching my charges. I once had a kids' class at a well known kids' international English program which again lasted over a year. I had endless fun watching them interact with each other yet never was there any hint of the kind of jealous rivalry that would be a certainty in a farang kids' class such are the Thais so well behaved even at that age.

Another class was at The Bank of Thailand. The students were always on time, full of enthusiasm, did anything I asked of them and never once complained. They would always offer to take me to lunch, offer me snacks and fruit, offer me umbrellas when the rainy season came, and were a real delight to teach.

It was one of those classes were everyone got along and the atmosphere was really great. The class itself lasted a few months and consisted of mostly managers and senior staff which could often spell a disaster given that kind of dynamic (as I have experienced on many other occasions), but these were among the nicest students I ever taught, and I still get occasional emails from them to this day, some eight years after teaching them.

I remember this one from a student after a particularly long and difficult course where I had felt a complete failure in getting my message across to the students. On his way out the door, one student turned around and said, with complete sincerity and a big smile on his face, ‘Goodbye. Come to see us when you are interesting!'

Tom Tuohy is a teacher and writer. His book - ‘Watching the Thais: From the Outside Looking in' - is published by Legend Press, the UK. Versions in both Thai and English will soon be published in Thailand. You can access Tom's blog here.