Aitch,
thanks for your email. I agree with a lot of what you said although I don’t agree that’s it’ “dangerous for [your] state of mind to compare things with how they are back home. This is one really bad habit that many new to living in the country develop shortly after arriving.“
Can I ask how people will compare their new surroundings then if not with what is the known? The familiar? The problem comes not in the act of making a comparison, but in the expectation that usually follows it.
It’s like that famous idea in philosophy called Hume’s Fork (named after David Hume, the Scottish empiricist philosopher) - “You can’t get an ought from an is”. In other words, the way things are is the way things are, and you can’t reasonably expect people or situations to change so the “ought” part is largely redundant.
Sure, I’ve seen many people come to Thailand and say “They ought to have this, they ought to have that, they ought to do it this way”. In that sense you can take the person out of the place but you can’t take the place out of the person. You can take a man out of London, but you can’t take London out of the man.
We each come here with our own beliefs and sets of values and that is what orients us in a new environment, gives us a kind of cultural and existential compass. Without these inherent beliefs we would be lost in a sea of uncertainty and we may as well throw ourselves into the Chao Phraya the day we arrive.
Agree that we can never be Thai any more than a leopard can become a stoat, but equally we can never sit back, relax and be happy thinking that the Thai modus operandi is one that will work for us forever. It’ll do for a year or two, maybe even longer, but, as I was trying to say in the blog, sooner or later, that feeling of lethargy will catch up with you and you’ll be reaching for something else in your mind long, long before you actually make an effort to do anything about it. It’ll be the proverbial itch you can’t scratch and it’ll bug you till you eventually do something about it. That’s been my experience and I have heard it from others so wanted to pass it on.
Adam,
thanks for your support. Glad you agree and sorry to hear that you are experiencing the cultural malaise I was referring to.
yes, I have travelled around the East and seen a fair few Malays, Cambodians, and Vietnamese. Even Laotians are more energised than the average Thai.
Thais often have that “dead but won’t lie down” look on their faces. You only have to see the Songkran festival that’s coming up shortly to see the essence of the real Thai. They are essentially child-like in their nature as they just want fun - sanook - not intellectual debate, not a high powered job, not to have to make important decisions that affect others.
Anyone who can stand beside the road for 5 days throwing water and still be smiling at the end of it clearly has a different take on life than the rest of us!
Nuff said! Thanks for your post!
Hi Tom
Firstly, you will undoubtedly know yourself that there’s a huge difference between visiting Thailand as a tourist and living here as an expat. From personal experience, I can also say with some authority that there’s an even bigger difference between living here as an expat employee and running your own business.
All that said, if one is to adapt, then as the saying goes, when I Rome do as the Roman’s do. That doesn’t mean try to become a Thai, because no matter how long you live here or how well you speak the language, you will always be the Farang.
But it’s dangerous for state of mind to compare things with how they are back home. This is one really bad habit that many new to living in the country develop shortly after arriving.
Look, Thailand ain’t our mother country and it never will be, so getting irate and upset (like so many do) just because things don’t happen the way people think they should, or expect them to, will amuse the Thais and put the raging foreigner into an early grave. It’s what’s known as ‘throwing the dolly out of the pram syndrome’, and we’ve all seen plenty of that!
So what’s the answer? Well, I’d say take on-board what you enjoy, and don’t take on and or try to change those things that are out of your control, and yes, go with the flow for the best part.
It’s okay to plan ahead, but don’t try to plan the outcome because it’s not likely to turn out how you’d envision it to be. The more the latter is practised, the happier, healthier, and more productive the discontented expat will become as a result.
A happy camper is more likely to achieve greater things (whatever they happen to be) than someone who just plods on the treadmill of life with a face like a wet weekend and an attitude to match.
We (being the expats in Thailand) only ever get to read and hear about the disgruntled, the infamous rip-offs, and the sob stories, because quite frankly, if life is ticketyboo (as it is for thousands), then there’s not much to write home about that will interest anyone looking for a good read.
I’ve lost count on how many foreigners I’ve come across over the years that spend most of their time slagging off both the country and its people (not insinuating your piece has any of that of course), but dare to ask them why they don’t just bugger off home if things here are so bad, and it starts off a whole new and often heated debate.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Certain individuals will only be able to move forward and progress in life when they want to improve MORE than they want to stagnate. Even if that desire for change is only slightly greater than the option do nothing, they can, and will, form new habits that will inevitably alter both their attitude and their outlook on life as they see it. It is then, and only then, that the ‘Thailand Experience’ can take on a whole new meaning for the better.
Aitch
James, thanks for your comments. Can I ask how long you’ve lived here? I ask because you’ll be surprised at how easily it is to fall into that sabaii sabaii trap and do the same things over and over again like going to the mall with your girlfriend, having a Starbucks, watching her shop, drinking beers almost every night, not because you necessarily want them, but because it’s a routine.
You’ll go to the same restaurants and eat the same food and you’ll argue with your better half about what island you’re going to stay next holiday. After a while you’ll end up resenting the trap you’ve let yourself fall into and will start looking for something that makes you feel alive again, or maybe just “feel” again.
Sorry if I come across as racist - that wasn’t my intention, and I like the Thais a lot - heck I even married one - I just find some aspects of their culture a little deadening to the soul and wondered if others had had similar experiences.
For me, as a nation, Thais are brought up to accept the life they’ve been given and thus because of this Buddhist inculcation, tend to gravitate towards things that are easy, no fuss, as they promote and foster a “dee jai”, a good feeling. Is there anything wrong in that? No, of course not, but for a farang, that’s not always easy to accept for a long period of time because we are brought up with a completely different philosophy of life.
By the way, a couple of things - didn’t mention learning Thai (although I can speak it) and the reason why I write for a brace of magazines, newspapers, and websites like this one is precisely because I got up off my arse when I felt the sabaii sabaii “cultural jetlag” and did something about it.
I enjoyed reading all the comments, and would like to add my tuppence-worth, just to amuse you all.
I’ve lived in Thailand for four years, ... three as a teacher. For the last two years, I have lived and worked in a small village south of Hadyai, where I rent a very nice house for minimal rent.
Looking back, I see that I was a typical farang trying to enforce farang culture on the Thais. I would flash my headlights at motorbikes travelling on the wrong side of the road, especially at night when they had no conception that they were dazzling me.
I would shout “Tham arai” whenever I saw a guy taking a leak in full view of all around, and would blow my top as he turned around to walk away still doing up his flies. I would vent anger whenever I discovered that I had been ripped off by the “Thai price/Farang price” pricing structure that exists everywhere.
I short, I was trying to educate uneducatable people.
This desire to “teach” of mine extended to my current house. I live in a row of nice houses, and there is a nice area of grass about five metres from my door. I decided to take care of this grass as if it was my garden, and carefully tended it for some eighteen months. During that time, I refused to allow cars to park “outside my garden.“ Many Thais accepted my request and moved on, but some were aggressive, and questioned my motives.
My landlord noticed the care I was taking of his piece of land, and decided that I should pay him 500 baht a month for the privilege! Of course, I refused, but he threatened to take the money out of my deposit.
In return, I threatened to give three months notice, and use my deposit to pay the rent for that time. He decided to withdraw his demand for extra money, but I could tell he was not happy.
My threat triggered several actions. The first was that we farangs cannot educate Thais with our culture, and so I resolved to stop trying.
The next action was when a pair of local residents marched up to my “garden” one day, and viciously hacked down the two banana trees outside my house. (I spent many evenings eating my supper, admiring the beauty of those trees).
Finally, I began to notice that many cars started to arrive and park outside my house for a short period, even though there was plenty of room to park outside other houses.
This is when I made my decision to relax.
It was obvious to me at this time, that Thai people love to upset farangs who try to change their culture. Their actions were obviously trying to provoke me into a state of anger, but luckily, I saw through this, and did nothing.
Baby banana trees began to grow from the root of the hacked banana trees, and one day I woke up to see that they too, had been hacked down.
It was then that I adopted a “Tham jai khun” attitude.
I began to feel that the residents around me were unhappy because I was showing no reaction, and that gave me a sense of pleasure.
At this present moment in time, very few cars park outside my house, and another pair of banana trees are thriving!
A few song titles were quoted in this conversation, so may I suggest a Paul McCartney and Wings song entitled “Live and let die”?
Phil.
By Philip Bennison, Thailand on 2010-04-04