The following Monday 

At my corporate class with Bangkok Jams, I bump into the ex-pat general manager, Mr Hertz Van Rental, a cheerful, smiling middle-aged gentleman from the land of clogs, windmills, tulips, peep shows and 24-hour sex shops. Mr Van Rental is a dapper figure (suit by Daks of London, shirt from Reiss, necktie from the Gucci Spring collection, shoes by Churches of Northampton, socks by Burberry, and hair by Keith at Stink - 'would sir like a dab of mousse on that?'

This is in sharp contrast to yours truly (shirt from the Mall, Bangkapi, necktie borrowed from a mate, shoes from the Bata clearance sale, and hair by Mr Somchai at Ekkami barbers - 'that'll be 50 baht sir, next!'

He seems pleased to see me and shakes my hand warmly.

"Thank god you've come, we've been sweltering these past few afternoons with the air-conditioning not functioning properly"

"Actually sir, I'm not here to fix the air-conditioning. I think you'll find that's a job for a Thai. I'm here to teach English to your staff"

" Oh I'm so sorry, I thought you were here about the air-con"

How we both laughed. What a lovely man.

In the afternoon, I'd prepared a lesson on ailments and cures for my conversation class of some 8 students. It involved holding up a series of pictures showing common maladies such as a sore throat and a backache. The class then had to tell me what they would do if they suffered from such an affliction.

I held up the picture of a man with a toothache.

"Go to the pharmacy" shouted the class in unison.

"Ok, yes, you could go to the pharmacy. What about this picture?"

The man with migraine brings about the same response. "Go to the pharmacy!" they all shout. A similar pattern develops for the woman with period pain and the man with malaria.

"Go to the pharmacy, go to the pharmacy, let's all go to the bloody pharmacy. Let's forget about the power of healing with the mind, home remedies, hypnotherapy, reflexology, let's all go to the bloody pharmacy!

The vein on my forehead starts to glow bright purple, which always happens when I get mad.

A silence descends on the class as though a naked man has just run through the room. I have, in what is referred to on EFL training courses, lost them.