The following Thursday 

I have an interesting morning in store after Wednesday's enforced day off and zero baht going into my bank account. The director of studies is sick and he's asked me to step in and interview some potential teachers. The first guy is an American. It's obvious he's an American the moment he walks through the door - the shirt and tie with a baseball cap back to front are a dead giveaway. He introduces himself as Chuck De Vittori, or some other pitcher/ESPN/college football/running quarterback type name. It's obvious when he starts to talk about paid return flights home, annual bonuses and free education for his kids that he's probably got the wrong address....in the wrong city of the wrong country. Next!

Charlie Simpson is an interesting fella. Well educated, qualified, a history of being involved in top management, could this man be the answer to all our prayers? I listen with interest as he furnishes me with stories of winning billion dollar contracts and looking for a career change at 57. There's something sinister about him though - he's reluctant to give me a contact phone number and he's a little sketchy about what he was up to between 1962 and 1985. His e-mail address 'ilovenanaplaza at hotmail.com doesn't do him any favors either.

The best of the bunch is easily young Igor from the Balkan states. He's enthusiastic and energetic and more importantly willing to work for peanuts. I tell him about a nice little corporate job we've got coming up - just past Ayutthaya. 70 kilometres past to be exact. Don't worry though Igor (my voice lowers to a whisper) we're gonna stick 200 baht travel money in yer sky rocket. What can you do in the class? Just give 'em conversation me old son but for f*** sake don't mention Bulgaria or any of the other Wombles. I turn to the receptionist and tell her to 'put this man on the payroll'. We shake hands and I end the interview the way I end every interview "Welcome aboard, I hope this is the beginning of a long and happy working relationship between us. Or at least until you've finished the contract" He expresses his deepest gratitude. At least I think it was his deepest gratitude. Difficult to understand that thick Eastern European accent at times.

In the evening, I do a private lesson with a girl from the next apartment. She comes round to my room with a bag of pineapple and her 300 baht tuition money (well you can't charge neighbors too much can you). We both sit perched on the edge of the nylon duvet and talk about what she's done at school today. Despite my pleas to the devious Noi to make herself scarce while I'm teaching, Noi sits on the floor watching a third rate Thai soap opera and laughing loudly for no apparent reason. Unable to take any more of these interruptions, I lash out at her with my foot and tell her to go and do something useful like make me an omelette. My private student is then witness to a whole half-hour of name-calling and face-slapping, which ends with a Thai girl being locked in the bathroom. My private student hands me my 300 baht with a trembling hand. "I think Phi Noi is angry"

"No, she'll be OK later. Same time next week then?"