In just about every one of the six classes I had with them, I told the students that I would do all I can to help them succeed. I told them that I liked them. I told them that I respected them. I told them that I was up late into the night correcting their essays. All true. And what happened? They demanded another teacher. I did all I could for them, but some of their behavior bordered on abuse.

One woman in the class shoved the textbook in my face and demanded to know why I didn't teach a certain page that evening. A male student sternly told me that I must understand Thai society before stepping into the classroom. (Minor inconveniences compared to some of the crap that I put up with in Korea, but bordering on abuse nonetheless.)

Let me make one thing very clear: Any student who shoves a book in a teacher's face, or something similar, should be told, in no uncertain terms, by the administration, to take a bloody hike! (I would suggest we use a stronger term than "bloody.") For the record, I did not report this student to management, preferring to handle the situation myself.

As for understanding Thai society before stepping into the classroom, where do I begin with that? Rampant government corruption? Prostitution and sexual exploitation? Abject poverty? An educational system that purposely keeps most of its own people in the dark? Child abuse? Spousal abuse? Rampant addiction to alcohol and amphetamines? A lack of free press? The millions of people who are suffering from serious mental illness, and the complete lack of help that is available to them? Slave labor? Someone please stop me!

I understand enough about Thai society to make me want to barf my guts out for the next seven years! I've said it before and I'll say it again. We ESL teachers are not here to understand and interpret Thai society. We are here to help change it for the better. And for those who have a problem with that, too bad.

My parents have taught me many wonderful things about life. I call them regularly on my cell phone. Before hanging up we always say "I Iove you", and "I miss you." Mushy stuff, I know, so please bare with me with this hallmark moment. The last two things I said to the students in that writing class was,

1) "I care about you", and
2) "I promise to do all I can to help you."

Then they were gone. I said what was in my heart, and because of that, I have no regrets.

I'm going to leave the last word to one of the students from the class. The following words are from a letter she wrote to the manager who relayed the letter on to me. It reads in part, (including errors),

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Dear manager's name),

I regretted to join our classmates for complaining about our teacher--- Mr. Steve on Wednesday. I thought a lot about the conflict between Steve and us after I returned home. Actually, I want to give moral support to Steve for things are becoming negative towards him now.

At the beginning of this course, everybody is confused with Steve's teaching method, because it is totally different from that of (previous teacher's name.) After the first discussion with you and with the time going on, Steve is getting better and better, he is improving a lot in class, and he has given us a new look. However, some of us are still not impressed by his performance, and they want a teacher who is just the same as (previous teacher's name.) This is the point why they don't accept Steve at all, and they always compare Steve to (previous teacher's name.) As other students say, all the teachers have their own styles of teaching. For writing class, we need to learn the skill of writing, and all of us are serious about it. I find that Steve tries to make us relaxed and a little funny with studying in the class, this is his original intention. It is good! Unfortunately, some students can't appreciate the way he does, and they complain all the time.

Moreover, I think Steve is also a good teacher now (some of our classmates agree with me.) I also know that he has spent a lot of time to prepare before class, and he really cares everyone in the class. At least, comparing with some of other teachers, Steve has a better sense of responsibility for students. Therefore, we can't say that Steve isn't a good teacher. On the other hand, he has already tried his best to make us clear in understanding. Unfortunately, some of students are still unhappy with him and still keeping complaint, so they just pay attention to this difference. To keep doing this, I think is unfair for our teacher--- Steve. In a word, no teacher can meet all the needs of the students.

To my understanding, students have the right to express their difficult views and even complaint in terms of teaching methods. However, to find out the solution to the problem is the goal we should seek.

Thank you for giving me your time to hear from me.

Best regards

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It was a nice letter. And it did cheer me up for a while. But it still does nothing to solve the problem. Huge and important questions remain to be asked and answered from ALL sides: Teachers, students, managers and directors alike. One of which is "What in the world is ESL teaching about?"

We know what's it's NOT about. ESL teaching is NOT about the managerial staff sticking their collective heads in the sand, hoping against all hope that everything runs smoothly. Life doesn't work that way and neither does ESL. It's NOT about taking the money and running away with it. It's NOT about the managerial staff hiding in their air-conditioned offices, behind their desks, academic books, and papers, emerging three times a day to eat and pee.

ESL teaching is about taking risks. ESL teaching is about taking chances--- before it's too late. It's about touching hearts, and changing minds. It's about learning from both the good and the bad moments, and all the other moments in between. It's about celebrating both the good and the bad moments, and all the other moments in between. ESL teaching is about the triumphs, the joys, the pain, the heartache, the sadness, the sorrow. It's about the what is, the what could be, and the what could have been..... only if..... It's about all the victories, great and small, and all of the many defeats. It's about showing up everyday with your REAL face. It's about falling flat on your face, getting back up, and trying again and again and again. It's about NEVER giving up. ESL teaching is about believing in your students when they don't even believe in themselves. It's about believing in yourself when the students don't even believe in you. It's about celebrating humanity and your own particular humanness. ESL teaching, like life itself, is all about getting buck-ass naked and rolling around in all of your limitations and imperfections, and inviting your students to do the same. ESL teaching is about ALL of these wonderful things, and so much more we can't even imagine.

I know exactly what kind of teacher I want to be. A human one. But another important question remains for ESL students, schools, managers and directors: What kind of teachers are all of these people looking for? I want your money--- and nothing more. I want your baby--- and nothing more. I want your English--- and nothing more. Is this what the world has become? If it has, we ALL lose; teachers, students, teachers, managers, directors. Everyone. Can we afford to lose?

Steve Schertzer esl_steve@excite.com
September, 2005.

(Next month: What I learned from this experience; the three most important qualities in an ESL teacher; and why we should never teach "academic" writing to Thais. "Creative" writing, Yes! "Academic" writing, No!)