No degree? No teaching certificate? No experience? All you've got is the language you learned as a baby. Is it still possible to get a job teaching English in Thailand? Ajarn.com picked eight random phone numbers from the jobs offered board and called them up. Dangerous things happen when ajarn.com's got time on its hands. (Names have been changed to avoid causing embarrassment. And there's certainly plenty of that)
 

The kindly lady on the other end of the phone takes down my particulars but there's a sharp intake of breath when she realizes that my teaching background has more holes in it than a colander.
"I think we're looking for someone a bit more qualified. The ad clearly says that you need a bachelor's degree in an education-related field. We might accept a TEFL certificate instead but we need a degree to get you a work permit"
"Well here's the beauty of it you see, I know a man who can sort this kind of stuff out, so the work permit doesn't pose a problem"
"Well, I just don't think you're what we're really looking for"
"Couldn't I just have an interview? A quick one. I'll be in and out in ten minutes.
"Can I take down your number and our Head of English Department will get back to you?"
"Certainly"
 

The phone is eventually picked up by a young girl who I suspect has never handled a phone in her life. Her lack of ability in English is surpassed only by the girl she hands the phone to. Within seconds we are reduced to communicating using a series of basic nouns.
"teacher......ajarn.com.......job........yes" (that's me not her. This is what she's reduced me to)
"You......er.....call again soon.........boss may yoo"
I know a phone call that's going nowhere when I see it. Click.
 

After a brief introduction it's clear that the woman on the other end of the line is more than a little interested. The lack of qualifications did force her to pause for a moment, but next to the fact that I'm willing to stick it out for a year, it pales into insignificance.
"You already know the salary from the ajarn site but we also offer housing and two meals a day" (I get the distinct impression that she's offered me the job already)
"What's the housing like?" (talk about cocky. Five minutes ago I was begging for a job, now I'm about to discuss the color of curtains)
"We offer you a small room on the campus. You will also have to share with another teacher"
"Hmmm. I'm not sure about that. If it's a small room, what if he's a large teacher?"
(laughs) "Oh no there's plenty of room for two"
"What about the food? can you give me some examples of a few typical dishes"
"You'll be eating in the student canteen, so the food is basic. Probably a rice dish"
"You don't say! Will there be anything on top of the rice?"
"Yes, something like green curry or chicken or maybe a fried egg"
"Stop it stop it, I'm dripping saliva on the floor-tiles" (frankly I don't think she got it) "give me a few days to think it over. Thanks so much for your time"
"Wait! you didn't give me your phone number"
 

"Do you have any business experience?"
"Yes loads. I can send you my resume if you want"
"We don't have much work to offer you right at the beginning, but you'll build up to about 16 hours a week if you show that you're hardworking and popular with the students"
"So how many hours can I get at the beginning?"
"Maybe four. Two hours a day, twice a week"
"Can I discuss it with my wife first?"
"By all means. Get back to me by the end of the week if you're still interested"